Senior who still wears L&S t-shirt getting laid constantly

Bright-eyed freshmen wearing Letters and Science t-shirts are a classic September sight on the University of Wisconsin-Madison campus. It almost seems as though wearing the free piece of clothing is a sign that someone is leaving independently for the first time, proud of their new college and excited about the opportunity that lies ahead. 

However, because freshmen aren’t allowed to be that happy, the rest of the campus community constantly talks shit about these scallywags and the school-sponsored dirty ass rags on their torsos. As such, the brand new Badgers ultimately buy any other shirt from the bookstore and move on. 

Over the course of an individual’s college career, the emotions evoked by the shirt evolve. Where there is usually a feeling of superiority, nausea and wanting to call the police, there is confidence, charm and pure sexual energy. Still, because it’s so rare to see a senior wearing one, this idea is rarely tested. 

Matt Riley, a senior chemistry major, is testing it. And he’s getting laid constantly. 

According to one 21-year-old woman who wishes to remain anonymous, Matt Riley wasn’t always such an alluring sex machine.